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 Dear J,

See here’s the thing. You have to come to work. Why? Because them’s the rules, sister.  See I actually don’t care what you do. I really don’t. In fact, I actually didn’t make up the rules and would be happy if we all didn’t have to come in and could get paid for sitting around at home. Alas, I get paid to enforce them (and by enforce I really just mean confirm that “yes, them’s the rules” to you when you ask stupid questions. You dig?)

Oh, and since I work with the Head Honcho here at Work? I would never ever speak to me in that tone of voice. Ever.

Here’s what happens when you are rude to moi at work. (And remember – I bake for my co-workers so really, the problem isn’t me). Sometimes, I sigh. Loudly enough so that Head Honcho comes over and asks what’s wrong and I have to explain honestly that I am being heckled by your lazy ass (again) because you didn’t want to come to work today. Other times, if I am feeling particularly bothered, I will put your sorry ass on speakerphone.

Game on, bitch.

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