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Dear Mothers Everywhere,

I found this article while at work tonight and I just had to share. I honestly have to say I read this article 3 times before deciding that the idiot who wrote this was not in fact, making sarcastic suggestions. Some idiot (and no offense, but probably a male in touch with his feelings) actually thinks that on top of a new baby (maybe more kids), dinner, cooking, cleaning, laundry, oh and work, you will have time for a single of these brilliant suggestions (and yes brilliant is said with dripping sarcasm). Never have I seen anything like this, and I encourage mothers everywhere to revolt. You can see my comments in italics.

15 Soothing Steps to Combat New Mommy Stress

Stressed out? Join the club! With a baby to care for, as well as dinners to prepare, a house to clean, emails, cell phones and seemingly endless commutes, it can feel almost impossible to find time in your day to just kick back and relax. And if you do happen to find a few minutes, you’re at a loss for what to do.

Kicking back and recharging your batteries is just what you need, especially when raising little ones. What’s stopping you? Leave your problems behind, for a short while at least, and give yourself permission to take a much needed time-out. Get started now with 15 easy stress-busting tips. Seems innocent enough to start. I mean, who doesn’t want to recharge there batteries?

Keep a Journal
Find a quiet place and time, and begin your journey within. There are no rules when writing in your journal, except to be honest with yourself. (Lock your journal, if necessary, to maintain the privacy you need to feel totally free to express yourself.)

A journal helps you to process the experiences in your life. Buy a journal that you’ll enjoy writing in each day. Invest in an assortment of pens to fit your various moods. You can write about anything that pertains to your life. Write your feelings. Talk about your dreams, your plans for the future, the books you love, your favorite quotes … Anything that has touched your life.

Try not to edit your thoughts. Some people prefer journaling on the computer because they can type more quickly than they would write. Let your words just flow.

Are you f***ing kidding me? Journaling? With a baby? I think it’s safe to say that journaling with children is almost impossible without a maid and a nanny involved. I mean, because you’re a new mom. So you are probably busy, um, I don’t know? Feeding your child? Trying to take a shower during baby’s nap? Journaling?


Get moving! We can all benefit from the stress reducing and energy enhancing benefits of moderate exercise in our lives.

It has been found (in hundreds of studies) that exercise is one of the most beneficial stress-reducers around. It can improve blood flow to the brain, increasing the brain’s alpha waves (this is associated with calmness and relaxation), reduce blood pressure, decrease muscle tension, and raise endorphin levels.

A flow of endorphins following exercise leaves you with a feeling of well-being. Walking is a great exercise that can be done alone, with your partner, and even with kids in tow.

Dear New Mom,

Look, you’re fat. I mean, the baby has been out of you for a month now and to be honest? You? Do NOT look like Nicole Kidman. What I would like to suggest is preferably a personal trainer, yoga consultant and a heavy dosage of nicotine and booze to curb the hunger pains that accompany this beauty regimen. Start shaking that ass.

Dear iVillage,

I too have read (in hundreds – hell, if not thousands of studies) that exercise improves blood flow and your mood. But so does sleep. And a vibrator. Dig it?

Enjoy Some Music
Allow your tensions to melt away with the music. Play music that fits your mood. Sometimes you’re in the mood for a relaxing instrumental, while other times, the hard beat of rock n roll will be just what you need



Let the music soothe your soul.

I mean, sure, you are trying to get the baby to sleep, but damn it, if you feel like heavy metal, bring it on – blast that Bose sound system, mama. After all, you totally DO NOT have a migraine from the colic screaming all day and night over and over and your ear drums are totally not bleeding. Yes. Let’s Sing and Dance and NOT assassinate Big Bird.

Put on a funny video, sit back, and laugh your way to good health.

A good laugh is a potent stress reliever. Laughing stimulates the body to produce hormones that cause the brain to release stress-reducing endorphins.

Even putting a smile on your face when you aren’t feeling so happy causes your body chemistry to change for the better, helping to create within you a happier mood.

This whole article is a laugh – so thanks for that.
Comfort Yourself with Rituals
Turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Rituals are comforting. Begin to introduce rituals into your everyday life.

A ritual can be as simple as sitting down with your partner and sharing your first cup of coffee in the morning.

Would a screwdriver in the morning be considered a ritual? How about Valium? Because baby screaming? That ritual? Is difficult.

Savor Good Food
Feeling frazzled?

Foods affect us emotionally. Low-fat, high carbohydrate foods (such as bagels, popcorn, pretzels, rice cakes) trigger brain chemicals that help to soothe us when we are stressed out.

Eating wellis one of the basics of self-care. Busy moms often forget to eat or they skip meals and then eat whatever is handy.

Complex carbohydrates(whole grain bread, pasta, fruit) gives long-lasting energy, as do protein foods that are low in fat (like broiled chicken or fish.) Foods that are high in fat can be draining because they take more energy for your body to digest.

Feed your soul.

Clearly, after yesterday’s birth you are in the mood to exercise, so giving in to food cravings shouldn’t be an issue for you; you are working the weight off ! I totally didn’t know that eating well was healthy for you (and plus, forget college tuition, you should totally indulge in organic free range cauliflower in season). And can you even imagine the money I waste at Weight Watchers? I never knew that high carb foods “soothe us when we are stressed out”. Really? ‘Cause chocolate cake and peanut butter out of the jar? I thought that was to prevent me from picking up the gin.

Take Time for You
Allow yourself time alone. Time where you are focusing on yourself.

Find a place in your house where you can go and find solitude. It might be an entire room, or just one area that you have set aside.

Ask your partner to take the rest of the family out for the morning while you stay home and begin to remember what it’s like to be all alone.

Do nothing, sleep, watch a love story that nobody else wants to see, read old letters … Just enjoy your solitude.

Let the day unfold, totally unscheduled.

Please, and I mean this, do not leave your child(ren) alone while you take time for yourself, if they are under the age of 12. Cause I think it’s illegal and could possibly be considered abuse. But if you can get your significant other to help, definitely read old love letters…from that old flame, the hot one that got away, and remember how easy it was before that bastard knocked you up. Google the ex. You have my permission to cyber stalk and dream of what could have been…

Celebrate Your Friendships
Sit down and indulge in some meaningful conversation with your best friend.

Women find great comfort, support and intimacy in the company of their inner circle of friends.

Friends share not just the triumphs, but the heartbreaking times and the ordinary day-to-day moments that become woven into the fabric of our lives.

Except, and hi? I hate to be negative? But your friends are at work or picking up single people at a bar. Without you. And they aren’t leaking milk on anyone.

Catch a Few Rays
Grab some sunlight. Spend some time outdoors each day. The seasonal slump that can result from inadequate sunlight can cause depression and fatigue. Even on cloudy days, a walk outside will help to recharge your batteries.

This is actually possible in nicer weather. I don’t really have anything bad to say about this.
Schedule Your Worry Time
Have lots of worries and concerns?

Schedule 30 minutes of worry time into your day. Save all your worries for that time.

If worries begin to creep into your thoughts at other times of the day, mentally file them away.

You’ll be surprised at how much time this can free up, and how much better you will feel.

Therapy – insurance will cover it. And even better: anti-depressants. Dig it.

Design a castle

Paint a picture

See how high you can swing.

As adults, we sometimes forget the therapeutic value of play. Play stimulates our imagination, encourages our creativity, boosts our energy, and best of all, is fun.

Put the drugs down, and step away from the crack pipe. Seriously. Kiddie Ritalin is NOT FOR ADULTS!
Try Water Therapy
Let your troubles float away.

Showers and baths are high on the list of best stress relievers. Climb into a warm shower and bath. Make it long and luxurious.

Visualize your cares just going right down the drain.

This sounds suicidal to me, but maybe I am just being negative. A better suggestion would be a swim lesson for you and your baby – that way there are some sane, childless adults there to keep an eye on you. And possibly jump in to save your drowning ass.

Slow down. Take a 20 minute time-out.

Meditation reduces your blood pressure, and helps to dramatically reduce your stress level. Meditation or prayer can help bring you back in touch with your spiritual side. It is a very effective method of relaxation, reducing your blood pressure, slowing your breathing, relaxing muscles, and helping to clear your thoughts (resulting in improved concentration.)

To meditate, quiet your mind and allow yourself to focus on one thing, such as your breath, or the flame of a candle. Find a relaxed position where you can remain comfortable. You might try visualizing health and renewal with each inhalation, while you are breathing out all your stress on the exhale. Take in just what you need, and let go of the rest. Bring yourself slowly back, becoming aware of your body and your surroundings, with a sense of peace and renewal.

Too many curse words involved in commenting on this. If you have time to meditate, you may as well watch Oprah or take a cat nap or hell, shower for the first time all week.

Take a Much-Needed Nap

Find a quiet, comfortable spot and take a short snooze. Allow yourself to really get comfortable.

Even 20 minutes of napping will leave you feeling renewed, focused and more energetic.

Don’t nap too late in the afternoon, or it may interfere with your sleep at night.

Studies have shown another extra health benefit. People who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart diseasethan those who didn’t nap.

Too many curse words involved in commenting on this also. I mean, there is just no time. Sometimes you have to choose doing laundry so that you have clean underwear, finally, over taking a nap that you may or may not wake up from.

Make Love
Jump in bed.

Making love is often overlooked, especially by tired moms, as a great way to relax. Satisfying sex leads to a deep relaxation. If you feel too tired, how about massage?

Touch is a powerful healer.

I would love to get my hands on the fool who wrote this. And heal them for sure with my “powerful touch”.